vulnerable (adj) - susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.

i need to be less vulnerable. must learn to be less attached. must learn to let go...

on another note, GDOP was good. i wish there were more prayer though. Some of the prayers were really power. As we gathered as the people of God-- from different tongues and tribes, from generation to generation-- I cannot help but worship my God. As we sang, "how Great is our God", my heart burst with joy to hear the loud multitude singing one song. We were singing a new song. :) We prayed for our government, our health care system, our educational system, our land, our city. Indeed, "O Canada, we stand on guard for thee..."

i'm so confused....

....back to square one.

Adjusting back to TO...

....so far i'm not liking it at all. (except mommy's home cook food)

It's awkward to be home alone. Having nothing to do, I wish i have my course materials so that i could start studying. It has officially been a day since i've been back, and it has been quite awkward. Not adjusting to things well at all. Darn it! it's like that every year. I'm bored; I wish i could..

just walk to my neighbours and watch a movie.
randomly call up someone for prayer.
randomly go to someone's house for worship.
randomly walk into someone's house and ask them to slap me so that i won't be so stupid.

The fact of the matter is that I was really looking forward to tonight. After not hanging out with certain people for a long time, I was hoping that tonight we could just chill and worship the Lord together. However, I ended up waiting all night for a phone call that resulted in my disappointment. I was stood up. I didn't fit into people's schedules tonight. darn it! it's like last summer all over again. It's our last month together, and I hate to see it end like this. Reality is, with a blink of an eye, people will be off to different places, and that yearning for fellowship will soon be the only thing that sustains. that's right, we will only be left with the yearning for it. It's sooner than you think. "whatever! be indifferent cora!" this is the only statement that is reigning in my head right now....

I love you crazy people! yeah amazing drime. if you want to see it, go to www.jessewong.blogspot.com.

on a more serious note...

fat lady has been so fat lately that its been hard to study, sleep and breathe. I came to the point last night where I had to say, "take this cup from me o Lord..."

...especially today. I cried out to the Lord: "Father, its so heavy. Sometimes I can't even worship you until I fall on my knees. Lord i just want to have peace, and worship you." During my studies, I couldn't concentrate because my heart felt so burdened. So coming home tonight, I came to point where I was literally tired: physically and spiritually.

...Then the Lord spoke. (i must thank ernie for coming over tonight..)
Neh. 8:11: Hush! for the day is holy

"Long ago Samuel Rutherford, writing to one in distress, said 'Command your thoughts to be silent.' Can we say 'Hush!' to ourselves? Can we command our thoughts? I believe we can. God has given us the power to close the shutter of our minds upon hurtful, weakening thoughts. He has provided all manner of shutters. A book that swings us off ourselves and into another world is a very good shutter; a song set to music; beauty; the dear love of those who love us. Above all, there is this: Look at Calvary. Look steadfastly. Take time too look, and all within you will be hushed, for power streams forth from Calvery. We need never know defeat."

"We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.." (2 Cor 10: 5)

...so back to the plead: "take this cup from me o Lord..."
......"yet, if its your will that I must bear it, then let it be."
....and it is His will. so praise be to God forever and ever. Amen!

indifferent (adj)-- having no particular interest or sympathy; unconcerned.

I still need to learn to remain indifferent towards certain things. Things that seem so trivial that nonetheless get me all worked up time and time again.

Yet, towards other things, apathy becomes an act of disobedience.

oh fat lady. how fat indeed you are.
yet how glad i am that you're fat
to remind me that I am in a combat.

Things that break my heart:

-the thought of someone who has tasted the good yet falls back, and settles for the world.
-the thought of someone who knows the truth, yet decides to believe in lies instead.
-the thought of someone trying to know God when cease striving is all he needs.
-the thought of my campus, and realizing that there are still so many who do not to know Him.
-the thought of China and the Chinese people
-the thought of non-christian friends in my classes
-the thought of North America
-the thought of ACF
-the thought of families.

-the thought of how God looks at this world...

...and how it breaks His heart....

Yet, I also thought the other day, how much the Lord loves us. This is love: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. This is love: that while we still break His heart, God sees in us--His son--and the blood that not only makes us clean, but sets us free so that we too can live a new life.

Whether it be through her short interpretation of a bible verse or one of her inspiring poems, she never ceases to amaze me!

Here is one of her brilliant poems:

Before the winds that blow do cease,
Teach me to dweel within Thy calm;
Before the pain has passed in peace,
Give me, my God, to sing a psalm.
Let me not nlose the chance to prove
The fullness of enabling love.
O Love of God, do this for me:
Maintain a constant victory.

Before I leave the desert land
For meadows of immortal flowers,
Lead me where streams at Thy command
Flow by the borders of the hours,
That when the thirsty come, I may
Show them the fountains in the way.
O Love of God, do this for me:
Maintain a constant victory.
-Amy Carmichael

I was in one of those episodes again this week. I hate it, and the worst part is that i knew exactly why i reacted the way that i did. I want this prayer to reign true during these "episodes": "O love of God, do this for me: Maintain a constant victory." However, everytime the same thing happens, and i would feel the same way.
But one thing i did learn this week--through all this commotion about the most silliest thing in the world--is that the Lord was trying to teach us both something, to reveal to us what is in our hearts. I didn't expect the he would react the way that he did, but how he resolved it--with all his maturity--totally blew my mind away. I saw, this week in someone, a glimspe of a MOG who is being obedient to the Lord. And for that, I am glad that it happened the way that it did.

How faithful is He who brings everything to pass.

Its so good to be reminded that there is still yet so much more to be done, and that the Lord desires for us to be part of it. Father, I do not want to be made ineffective for your kingdom. Teach me to continue to yearn, and in action, strive for more. Teach me to pray for others. Teach me to let go of my unbelief.

It was soo good to cry out again to the Lord last night. Kat, thanks so much. i love it when we come, having no agenda, but to come clean and boldly to the throne of GRACE. i love you so much. lets keep going and never SLOW down! i'll be praying!

After talking to karyn tonight, i realize that i NEED MORE FAITH!!!! like seriously! i want to talk about God like i'm SURE as to what He is to do--in my life, family, ACF, Western etc. I NEED TO BELIEVE!! Oh God, i do believe, help thou my unbelief. I do believe that He will one day deal with me and all those things that i feel. When that day comes, I will become more effective for Him. As Roger says, a part of us must die in order for someone else to live. Oh Lord, I amm sooo willing to die. show me show me show me!!! i believe!! yeah!!! Karyn, love you soo much!! Thank you!!!

as karyn says, "Stupid Fat ugly man (Satan), POO ON YOU!!!!"

on a less serious note,

HAHA. a friend, Ernie, decided to write me an eulogy upon request.:) I hope i die before him so he gets to read this at my funeral!

cora cheung, she loved the Lord
if only she weren't so easily bored
how her mighty Dodge van roared
bringing terror to all aboard

their screams of horror she ignored
drowned out by a million loose cords
and the constant splashing as gasoline poured
out the van that she adored

their last moments were getting short
as they struggled with the door
would things have been different in a Ford?
their fate was sealed with her first snore

a lesson learned, or maybe four
but i'll stop here, i'm being a bore
a woman of God, yet something more
cora cheung, she loved the Lord

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VAINY!!!!!!!!!!

Kat, you are simply AMAZING!!!! and vain. hahhaha. I love you soo much. I'm so glad that the Lord has put you in my life this year. I can't even begin to tell you how much you have blessed me--through your words and the life you lead. You are truly a WOG!!!! Its also soo timely that the Lord has placed you in my life this year! I love you soo much! On you birthday, I pray that you can spend it with the people you love most--namely, me. but too bad i'm not back. hahah. j/k. But really Kat, thanks for everything. and when i say everything.. i mean EVERYTHING. love you TONS!!!!! Happy Birthday again!!!

HAHA.

so i bought "March of the Penguins" from China this Christmas and not only is it in French, look at what it reads at the back of the DVD:

this is suppose to be the summary of the movie:

"The days wiving the girl was getting shorter and shorter. At the night before the emperor's official coming, the girl wanted to kill herself to against the bossy emperor. At the time the girl would stab her chest, the man named yanggang came in and stopped her. The girl was so sad and run up into the youth arms. When she touched something on the back of the youth... She was surprised and asked he wiht her beautiful eyes. The man was very excited to show her figure whcih was supported by the bamboo..."

hahahhahah.. what?

:)

Christmas Eve in Hong Kong...

...a disaster.

tonight, i had to push my way out of a crowd of excited people. When i gaze upon their faces, seeing all the anticipation, i cannot help but wonder: what are they excited about? Why are people pushing and shoving? Where is the joy of Christmas? what is the true meaning?

Amy Carmichael.
"In this season of much singing I ask those who love our Lord Jesus to ask very specially for singing hearts. It would be sad if the lovely Christmas hymns and carols sounded only like a noise-- even a noise of music-- to Him. But if they are the glad and wondering adoration of our hearts, then i think they wil give HIm joy. Do not forget what Chrsitmas cost Him-- Gethsemane and Calvary."

currently in...

.......................HK!!

weather is sooo nice here. I was in Beijing a couple of days ago and it was quite cold there. Not as cold as T.dot, but cold enough to stay indoors with a cup of hot chocolate, and enjoying a nice and relaxing time in the hotel. Though i did neither of that, i managed to enjoy myself in this cold weather..;)

thought of the day:

to truly love someone is really an act of obedience unto God.

am i being obedient?


Merry Christmas to you all!

i desperately need a break...

.................from all of this.

essays.
exams.
london.
friends.

....HK here i come.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIMOTHY WOOOO!!!!!! you're finally as old as me.:)

i hope you know that you're special, well because you are!!! :) thank you so much for such being you-- well, sometimes the real you can get a bit crazy!!! :) but thats why you're sooo coooll!!! thank you for the time and effort you've put into pneumatos this past years, and thanks for your continually obedience to the Lord-- for it has blessed me soooooo much!!! you're heart and passion for Him is soo evident!! so continue on!!! on your birthday, i hope you'll have a good one. Know and Reckon that you you are special to the Lord and to those whom He has put around you-- like ME. and many others who can attest to that!! :)

How Great is Our God.

Our God is B.I.G!!! Passion toronto was AWESOME-- not so much because of the passion team or the event itself (even though the team was great), but because God was there that night to meet with His people. I will never forget 4500+ believers from different ethnicity crying out to One God: "Father, we will NOT lift up our souls to another. O God let us be a generation that seeks!!!" Louie Giglio spoke about the prayers that were lifted up in Ricoh Coliseum during toronto's 100 yrs anniversary. Politicans and authorities at the time prayed Is. 62 to God, asking Him to bless this city: Toronto will be called ' Sought out, a city not forsaken."

And indeed, the Lord did not forsake this city. Even with all the things that we've allowed-- being so 'liberal' as to accept all that the Lord hates!!! yet, tuesday night was an answer to the prayers that were lifted up to God. The Lord did not forsake us: "this is the generation of those who seek Him" (Psalm 24). We shall run and grow weary. We shall walk and not be faint. For we are a generation who knows that our Lord is strong and mighty. He is mighty in battle.

Giglio said that Our God is big. so why aren't we asking for more when we pray for our campuses. why aren't we dreaming for bigger things?

Last night after fellowship, i felt such a huge burden. I heard again: "More people will you gather. Those who have ears will hear. Those who do not, they will be left behind.. it is time."

Soon later, Carrie, sonja, and I went to UCC to lift up our campus once again to the Lord. I felt such a burden upon my heart. The three of us talked of how we need to unite people and that we cannot stagger. The time is NOW. we cannot dely by moving slowly and hence missing what the Spirit is doing. This is what the Lord showed us:

"The harvest is plentiful, but the labourers are few; therefore beseech the Lord of the harvest to send out labourers into His harvest." (Luke 10:2)

BESEECH the Lord to send out more people. For "Do not say, 'there are yet four months, and then comes the harvest'? Behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes and look on the fields, that they are white for harvest" (John 4:35). Sonja reminded us that indeed we only have four months left of school, we need to stop wasting our time and not delay the work of the Lord. if we ignore Him enough times, we will be left behind.

So whoever is reading this-- the time is NOW. the Lord is moving and we need to jump into the river and say: "God, i want to be where you are." Stop wasting any more time and GO. May His name and Renown truly be the desires of our souls-- that, whatever it takes we will make His name known.

Encouraged by a dear friend of mine, i decided that i need to journal it down. so why not blog it and let people read it? :)

It was an ordinary Saturday night; before heading back to London, she decided that it would be nice to visit her friend Karyn. They converse freely, talking about all that their God is doing in Toronto-the healing of the nation, revival in churches, changes on campuses etc. Being excited of the revival that is happening all around her, she drove back to London that day, feeling a sense of unsettled yearning to see more. This young girl said to her God, "Father, why aren't I seeing all that you have mentioned in ACTS. I want to see more; please father, I want to be obedient. Give me a word, like the one you gave to karyn's pastor; father, i also want a word and follow it through with obedience!"

She cried out again while driving, "Father, I want to see my campus change. I want to see your people being Bold. I want to be obedient."

She then heard a gentle voice, "Seek after me. Pray and seek after me."

As soon as she arrived in London, she called her friend Carrie, who also has a heart for Western, and asked to pray with her that night. Within minutes of praying and crying out to the Lord, the Faithful one who hears finally spoke. He told Carrie that they must immediate walk around campus and boldly pray for more. As they were walking out, this young girl heard from her father, "Boldly ASK! Wait and be obediently. I shall soon give you a word." And surely enough that night, he did.

As these two girls walked out, one of them saw a dead branch. Withered on the ground, she thought nothing of it until the Lord used it to give her a word later on. and that is: "the state of this campus is like this dead branch; apart from the vine, they are dead and can do nothing. But I can raise up the dead and cause them to live."

Soon enough, the Lord gave Carrie a word: "Be bold." he says "A city on a hill cannot be hidden, if you want people to know, you'll have to come out!" Being all excited, Carrie suggested that they should gathered people, all the fellowships, to worship at the Renaissance Square- an elevated platform right in the center of the campus.

Catching the burning fire, this young girl started to imagine how amazing it would be to gather his body and worship!!! As they continue to worship and sing over the campus that night, Carrie decided that Tuesday Nov. 8 would mark a beginning of something great.

So it happened.

The Lord send forth His word, and He provided faith for those who believed.

Sunday Morning. even though there were visible doubts in their hearts, the Lord did not stop in reassuring His authority and dominion on this campus. He reassured these two girls that it was not just "a thought." Sunday morning, they found out that Tues. Nov. 8, a random date they've chosen, was also Passion's intertional day of prayer-uniting all campuses all over the nation and the world to pray for this generation and their respective campuses. Not only that, Sunday night, a blog was sent to both these girls, through many different people, reassuring them that God has ordained this event since the beginning of time-that it was not just some random thing! This blog mentioned people whom, a week ago, worshiped and preached in the middle of their campus through the leading of the Holy Spirit. oh. how encourged these girls were that night. < http://jaesonma.blogspot.com/2005/10/prophetic-worship-apostolic-preaching.html>

Leading up to Tuesday, massive emails were sent out. People everywhere heard about this news. The word on the street between believes on that Monday was: "hey, renaissance square tomorrow, you coming?" It was soo cool. Monday afternoon, the young girl gathered with her, people to pray and cry out at the Renaissance Square. After much prayer and battling, all three of them were assured that the Lord was about to do something sooo great that people wouldn't believe even if they were told.

Above all, the coolest part was the event itself and stories after that. That morning, people gathered around to pray. walking around the concrete beach 7 times, claiming the place for the Lord. Each time they pray, they felt the strongholds of the devil, yet the reassurance of His victory was even greater.

As the event began, it started out to be a bit dry-people were afraid, discourged, self-concious etc. The mightly God started to speak to this group. He reassured them that His words will not return to Him empty, that He who is in their hearts is way bigger than he who is in this world. After much brokenness within the group, people finally started to worship freely. It was one of the most beautiful things she has ever seen.

People walked by, wondering what the heck was going on. Believers disperse themselves all over the concrete beach and started talking to people. Some talked for minutes, some talked for hours. There were people who were really interested, and some who just wanting a debate-but all was good!! That day, those obedient ones who came out, worshipped from 10am-2:00pm. No one in particular was leading, everyone helped out in whatever way they can. oh. the beauty of that sight. the body coming together and working together; each doing their part without any claims of anything-just one desire, to see this campus change and people being saved.

Even cooler stories: His name and renown did not stay within Renaissance Square, but disperse throughout different classrooms that day. One friend said that his classmate asked him if he knew what was going on that day at the Renaissance Square. So this obedient friend started sharing to him about Christ. Furthermore, one brother approached a guy who was standing near the Renaissance Square; without explaining, the guy said that he was not in the mood to talk about any philosophical issues. However, that very afternoon, the brother went to class and saw the same guy there. He sat next to him and the guy asked this brother if he could have his email; apparently, he has a lot of questions he wants to know about Christianity. PTL!!! Also, an obedient sister talked to this girl for an hour. They will start meeting weekly, attending church, and studying the book of John together. WOW. PTL!!!

but all in all, that day His name and renown were known amongst people who did not know Him. Also, people who knew him, their hearts were challenged that day to be ever more Bold by Standing firm for His name and Renown. That day was a beginning of something so much greater that is still yet to come.

.....PASSION TORONTO!! Here I come!!! tuesday Nov. 22. doors at 6:00 begins: 7:00. (changed time)! Don't miss it guys!!! :)

i think its time for me to update.

Lesson of the day: do you know your enemy?

I wonder if we know who our enemy is; how he works, moves, and speaks. Do you know that we are not warring against flesh, but the rulers, the powers, and the world forces of this darkness? against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places? Do you know that the enemy is working, right here, right now? do you know the things he whispers in your ears. do you see him moving amongst your classroom: in the hearts of the people who are around you. are you constantly on your guard? let alone preaching the word or going out for battle, we need to first know how he tries to bring us down. if we really know how to fight a battle, we would learn and study our enemy and know how he works. Roger said that the way the bank trains people to pick out forgeries is by allowing them to study the REAL (happy jon? geez) thing; they study it soo well that when they see a forged bill, they would know right away. Do we study the enemy so well that when we hear a word from him, we would know it right away? or are we allowing our minds to be his playground?

Then of course there is our God, our victor. Study the enemy well, better yet, study the victor--that in times when we do fall by not recognizing the enemy's scheme; we will recognizing the comforting, conquering voice of our Lord and Saviour.

Few weeks back; I was tempted by our enemy, yet like always, my God came through for me. The Spirit then graced me to write this poem, so i shall share with you all, in hopes that it will encourage you too.

The fiery darts strike once again:
to pierce my heart and to cause it to fear.
Scared of its power, don't want to be burned;
I cried out to him, to make this all end.

In the midst of my fears, the Lord is at hand.
With words of silence, my God has spoken:
"My countless promises cannot be broken;
therefore, with triumph, pick up your shield of faith, and stand!!!"

"....and having done everything, to stand firm.
....in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith, with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one" Ephesians 6:13, 16

on another note, I'm sooo excited for ACF. the Lord is truly working in the hearts of many many individuals. years of labouring are NOT in vain. soo good. guys!! WoHoo! i'm soo excited for men cell; i wish i can join, but i'm not a man, so there you go. If i were a man though, i would join men cell. aiya. i sound like gendi. hahhaha :)

oh yeah ZORRAH! you are sooo awesome. thank you for being such a great friend. you are soo cool! you know i love you soo much. i can't wait till we go to China together and serve the Lord and His people. AHHHH.. soo good! thank you for your constant encouragements!! i'm soo glad that the Lord has answered your prayers; now i know what the Lord meant by "a heart of flesh, " i always wondered until you share with me yesterday. love you soo much! muah!

okay. i should go back to emailing people. ahhhh. soo much emailing. :) but praise God, that i have friends whom i can email to. --> soo gendi again! hahahah. :) love you lots!!!

My thanksgiving weekend...

...indeed one to be thankful for.

Though there are times I rather stay in London, this weekend truly proves the reasons why i miss and loveeee home! My mommy was sooooooooooo extra nice to me. hahah. you know when your parents haven't seen you for like ages? they like glue themselves to you and give you all that you want. that was me!! :) this weekend, my mommy made me turkey. yummyyyy!! even though it was a short period of time, i do indeed treasure every moment spent with family!! okay cut out the sappiness! yeah. this coming weekend its daddy's turn to be extra nice to me. hahahha j/k

Then there are YOU GUYS!!! oh soooooo love you guys! and miss you guys soooooooooooo much!!!

Meeting up with KAT, the vainest person alive, was AMAZING. truly a WOG!!!! thanks for a wonderful time of sharing; it is so encouraging to meet up with you everytime!!! thanks for always encouraging me to go on, even through the toughest times!! The Lord has soo much prepared for you and i'm sooo excited to be able to be part of it. (you know praying.) hahahahahha.:) i got your back woman!! and please, do EAT!!!! :)

and then theres those as MCBC!!! so great to see the PNEUMIES!! oh yeah my conversation with garway on Sunday went something like this.

garway: yeah. i love her, she is sooo cool!
Cora: you love her huh? in what way?
garway: ohhh. more than one ways!

hahahhahah jokes.

and then there's tim and gendU!! and joyce!! and ricky!!! love you guys! you know it. i don't have to blog it. HOOOO. too bad i didn't get to really really really really talk to you guys. well, i did with gendi. that was cool. :) thanks for all your love!! i can feel it all the way here. hahhahaha. God has SOOO much in store for each and one of you. so glad to hear that you are going on with HIM!!! PS: how i wish that tiff would be here..:(

then theres YOU. you know who you are. even though it was hard to talk to you in the beginning, but i'm glad we talked. because we cleared up a lot of things. i love you soo much. and i realized that when it boils down to it--love shall conquer in the end--that no hurt nor disappointment can prevail. all because of HIM. i am still working on things with God, but all in all, He is good and i love you soooo much!! :)

then there are roomies and neighbors who are amazing! yeah turkey once again on monday night! thank you so much dor for such a wonderful meal. love you soo much! oh yeah. you know it! :)

even though i am at a stage where i'm waiting for the Lord to deliver me, but i know He will. :) I love Him!!! i am realizing that there is soo much in my heart that needs to be healed, and He will come and deliver me! :) but at the same time, i realize that there are little steps of obedience i need to take! so my prayer is that i will be obedient!

....so all in all. tis a wonderful, thankful, and amazing WEEKEND!!! all because of HIM!!!

.........................and all of youS!!!

Love. something that is hard to grasp. even more so, something that is hard to do.

O Beloved of my Soul,
This do I desire:
Faith for the impossible,
Love that will not tire.
Jesus, Saviour, Lover, give me
Love for the unlovable,
Love that will not tire.

O Beloved of my Soul,
Yet again I come;
Give me cords of Love to draw
Many wanderers home.
Jesus, Savious, Lover, give me
Love that knows no stain nor flaw-
Love to lead them home.
-Amy Carmichael.

"For I am confident ,of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. For it is only right for me to feel this way about you all, because I have you in my heart..." Phil 1:6-7

Have you ever fervently prayed for someone that resulted in utter disappointment? Does it sometimes seem like its hard to love? Does it seem like your prayers are not been heard? be reminded that "Love will perfect that which it begins. It will not forsake the work of its own hands." -carmichael.

Lord, my prayer is that you will remind me of this everyday. Teach me to love and not grow tired. Teach me to love that knows no hurt nor disappointment. For YOU, O Lord, has burdened my heart for a purpose. O Love of God, cause my heart to say: "His love in me, will not forsake the work of my master's hands."

Sometimes i wonder why i feel this way. I kept asking Him to take it away, yet i just can't help but feel this way. Maybe the problem with me is that i'm too attached, too sentimental... Maybe If i weren't this way, I wouldn't be feeling hurt and utter disappointment right now. In the back of my head, i kept repeating to myself: dead people won't feel the hurt or if i love to be loved, then i know nothing of Calvary's love. I hate it, it just hurts...

...yet maybe i shouldn't be feeling this way. I don't want to feel this way, yet I do. but why? am I selfish then? maybe i'm just too self-centered. urg. sick!

...