A Tribute to the snow and my friends: a love story:)

Friday morning...






...SNOW DAY!!!! I love snow so much that I decided to write a poem about it!

Ode On A Snowy Day

The wind blows thee upon my face;
thou, silent form, dost speak with liberty.
Flying freely, without a trace,
thou emancipate me with thy ravishing gaze.

With thy mystic Shape, thou draw me nigh;
thy cool sensation
loosens my reservations
as I succumb to thy irrefutable embrace.

O gentle Snow,
won't thou pipe a song for me?
Blow, with power, into this reed,
and perform thy secret ministry.

Saturday night....





It was a very ordinary day. She finished her night exam and returned home to find her friends--current ACF members and previous ones who came all the way from Toronto--all waiting to spoil her with love. It was not her birthday, but to her surprise, it was a farewell party to send her off to HK where she will begin her next stage in life. Recovering from her unexpected surprise (emphasis intended), she was quickly asked to sit down as the program began. After a short video, a speech, and a slide show, she felt so special and appreciated by her surrounding friends. However, the crux of the night was when they began to worship their God as each of her dear friends lifted up their hands to worship their Father. She remembered looking around, astonished by the sight she saw: "this is heaven," she thought, " when all my friends and all nations and tongues shall worship the Lord!" Oh how faithful her father is to her and to ACF. This night was special not only because her friends are soo amazing to have thrown a farewell party for her, but that it was a testament of how great, how good, how faithful the Lord has been, and will continue to be, to ACF. Looking around her, she finally began to let go--for the Lord is faithful, and He will provide for generations to come!

Oh my friends, Thank you so much! Thank you for those who have watched me grow-- prayed for me, laughed with me, wiped my tears, put up with me, made fun of me:) etc. Thank you for allowing me to be part of your walk with the Lord, and above all, thank you for sharing with me in our fellowship with the Son. I shall never forget these moments I've shared with all of you; as roger said, these experiences will prepare me for the future years in HK, and subsequently, in China. :)

and for those who have contributed to the gift, I shall be reading them sometime between now and next year. :) MUAH!! thank you!

WOW. i just couldn't study! snow day in LONDON on!!! take that Toronto!!! :) I love London because I love snow. :) WOW. I haven't seen that much snow since......... i don't even think i've ever since that much snow. :) :) this makes me sooo happpy. who has an exam tomorrow?? AH WELL. :)

I LOVE SNOW:)



.....i'm going to miss it soo much.

Yay! pictures! i think i'm going to start posting more pictures! This is our Sunday night meetings!!! :)

Wow! I can't believe I haven't blogged for so long! Finally, a real post!

I think it has finally dawned on me that in just a little over a month, I am going to leave this place in which I call home. I've been avoiding speaking about it, but soon it will become reality, and there is nothing I can do but to welcome it. or I could just not think about it. :)
Yes, that is what I will do. hahaha. Seriously though, reflecting upon my couple of years being in Western and my summers being in Toronto, I can't help but praise the Lord for the friendships he has blessed me with. One of the hardest things leaving behind is people whom I've grown to love. Four and a half years man! that's a long time! :) I used to be so sensitive and easily angered especially in regards to friendships, mostly because I am so insecure. Yet ever since the Lord has dealt with me this summer, I feel so free. Leaving Canada, and subsequently, all my friends still hurt in some ways, but there is joy and peace knowing that I just have to let go and let God. :)
AND...I am beginning to feel excited about the things that He will do in my life in HK and in CHINA! :) I'm sure there will be hard times, yet at the same time, i am so excited for the things He is preparing for me! :) yea! :)
Having said that, I am only here till Jan. 7. I've been trying to think of an efficient way to say goodbye to people, but I've haven't come up with a solution to my problem yet. SO! if you want to see me, email me! :)

I'm soooo stupid for not blogging these past err....yeah. It's because I forgot my password until now.

So what's been going on with me? Lots of things.. almost too much to post. But there's one thing that I've realized that I've forgotten how to be my true self on these blogs. I'm WAY too serious, and I've forgotten to tap into my amazing abilities to write songs...

So to make up for depriving you of my skills, here is a song about my two friends:

actually i have to go now, but note that doreen and lydia are the SUPERLY COOLEST PPL ALIVE.

feeling lethargic...

why? maybe because i haven't spent enough time with the Lord lately. Coming back to Toronto, i haven't stopped. Besides packing and throwing away things so that i can empty the house by the end of sept, I am either spending time with family or meeting up with friends. Maybe because i only have a limited time here in TO that i feel like i need to accomplish so much. baahhhh. My six weeks in London was soo good. Being the extrovert that i am, I thought that i wouldn't be able to handle my time alone. Surprisingly enough, my time alone with the Lord was sooo good. Coming back to TO, i yearn for that same satisfaction i found in the Lord while i was in London. Instead, my time is spent on anything but the Lord himself. The inefficent time spent with the Lord is manisfested through things that are evidently resufacing in my life; these things come in different forms that nonetheless derive from the original problem--my insecurity.

so what is it that i find it so hard to focus when i'm in Toronto? WhY? why only in London?

i've come to realize that the problem is not the location, but myself. I have no discipline at all--whether it be reading the word or simply spending my time with the Lord. I find it more interesting to read books rather than touch the bible itself and much easier to call up a friend to pray than to spend it alone with God himself. I also realize that this is something i've struggled throughout the year as well. Great meetings at P&R and exciting things in ACF were the foundation of my spiritual walk. No wonder in TO, i feel like i lack--that is, something real that is founded upon Christ Himself.

In the Normal Christian Life, the great Watchman Nee talks about the need for Christians to satisfy the Lord first before anything else. If we are to waste our time on anything, it must be on our Lord Jesus Himself. Like Mary, who wasted her precious perfume upon the feet of the Lord, cared about nothing but Jesus Himself. There is something significant about her love for Jesus. First, she loves the Lord enough to break the most precious thing in her life and "waste" it upon him. Nothing is held back, she pours it all, and the house is filled with the smell of her fragrance. Second, her love for the Lord is beyond "serving" others. Often, our ministries and services for the Lord replace the need for us to spend time with Him. Jesus says, " for you always have the poor with you, but you do not have Me." Mary understoord that--not that giving money to the poor or doing missions aren't important, but she realizes that she must FIRST satisfy the Lord!!! I need to break my own perfume jar: one that is full of "righteous" hopes and dreams for the Lord.

Finally, Jesus says: "wherever the gospel is preached in the whole world, what this woman has done will also be spoken of in memory of her." So before I dream about my future in China or serving others here in TO and London, i need to first learn to satisfy the Lord Himself; for it is only then that i'll be filled, and in turn, be a fragrance to others. That is the secret to a "normal Christian life." I still have so much to learn...

I hate it!

To clear out the confusion relating to my last post, I am embarking on a 40 days journey in breaking some of the strongholds in my life. The Lord has been showing me some of the things that are just pure lies that nonethess i have believed to be truth in my life. I must say that it has been good thus far. :)

Until tonight... I hate it that everytime someone makes a comment as such, I begin to get really reallly mad. For one thing, it reminds me of the critical comments my parents and my extended families would make everytime they see me. I hate it that I would have to defend myself. I hate it that i get angry because sometimes i fall and believe it to be partly true, and then i would get even more frustrated because i've believed in a lie. Better yet, i express my anger through things that i should not say or do.
I hate it that i must look to men for approval. i hate it. i hate it. you suck satan!

so tonight i came home. finding it hard to put my thoughts in writing, i begin to believe in the another lie...

okay cora. smarten up. For it is written: "You can do everything through Him who gives you strength."
For it is written: "You are fearfully and wonderfully made."

...resist the devil and he must FLEE from you...

edit today: July 19th From Carmichael
Let go displeasure
Sometimes something happens which recalls great pain. You are not able to find pleasure in that thing. You are oppressed by it and saddened. Suddenly the word comes, " Let go displeasure."
Displeasure is not always wrath; it is not unkindness, or the fretting which the psalm says so truly "tendeth only to evil-doing." It is just something that is not pleasure but pain, and so can depress the heart.
Let it go. Do not hold on to it. Let it slip out of mind. Turn to something that does give pleasure and fasten your thoughts on that. "Hold thee stil in the Lord, and abide patiently upon Him." "Commit thy way" (and the way of those thou lovest) unto Him, and thou shalt "be refreshed in the multitute of peace."
Prove this world if ever you are tempted in this way. You will find that by an act of will, by His grace, you can "let go displeasure" and be most tenderly released and refreshed.

LIES vs truth. so much lies.

vulnerable (adj) - susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.

i need to be less vulnerable. must learn to be less attached. must learn to let go...

on another note, GDOP was good. i wish there were more prayer though. Some of the prayers were really power. As we gathered as the people of God-- from different tongues and tribes, from generation to generation-- I cannot help but worship my God. As we sang, "how Great is our God", my heart burst with joy to hear the loud multitude singing one song. We were singing a new song. :) We prayed for our government, our health care system, our educational system, our land, our city. Indeed, "O Canada, we stand on guard for thee..."

i'm so confused....

....back to square one.

Adjusting back to TO...

....so far i'm not liking it at all. (except mommy's home cook food)

It's awkward to be home alone. Having nothing to do, I wish i have my course materials so that i could start studying. It has officially been a day since i've been back, and it has been quite awkward. Not adjusting to things well at all. Darn it! it's like that every year. I'm bored; I wish i could..

just walk to my neighbours and watch a movie.
randomly call up someone for prayer.
randomly go to someone's house for worship.
randomly walk into someone's house and ask them to slap me so that i won't be so stupid.

The fact of the matter is that I was really looking forward to tonight. After not hanging out with certain people for a long time, I was hoping that tonight we could just chill and worship the Lord together. However, I ended up waiting all night for a phone call that resulted in my disappointment. I was stood up. I didn't fit into people's schedules tonight. darn it! it's like last summer all over again. It's our last month together, and I hate to see it end like this. Reality is, with a blink of an eye, people will be off to different places, and that yearning for fellowship will soon be the only thing that sustains. that's right, we will only be left with the yearning for it. It's sooner than you think. "whatever! be indifferent cora!" this is the only statement that is reigning in my head right now....

I love you crazy people! yeah amazing drime. if you want to see it, go to www.jessewong.blogspot.com.

on a more serious note...

fat lady has been so fat lately that its been hard to study, sleep and breathe. I came to the point last night where I had to say, "take this cup from me o Lord..."

...especially today. I cried out to the Lord: "Father, its so heavy. Sometimes I can't even worship you until I fall on my knees. Lord i just want to have peace, and worship you." During my studies, I couldn't concentrate because my heart felt so burdened. So coming home tonight, I came to point where I was literally tired: physically and spiritually.

...Then the Lord spoke. (i must thank ernie for coming over tonight..)
Neh. 8:11: Hush! for the day is holy

"Long ago Samuel Rutherford, writing to one in distress, said 'Command your thoughts to be silent.' Can we say 'Hush!' to ourselves? Can we command our thoughts? I believe we can. God has given us the power to close the shutter of our minds upon hurtful, weakening thoughts. He has provided all manner of shutters. A book that swings us off ourselves and into another world is a very good shutter; a song set to music; beauty; the dear love of those who love us. Above all, there is this: Look at Calvary. Look steadfastly. Take time too look, and all within you will be hushed, for power streams forth from Calvery. We need never know defeat."

"We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.." (2 Cor 10: 5)

...so back to the plead: "take this cup from me o Lord..."
......"yet, if its your will that I must bear it, then let it be."
....and it is His will. so praise be to God forever and ever. Amen!

indifferent (adj)-- having no particular interest or sympathy; unconcerned.

I still need to learn to remain indifferent towards certain things. Things that seem so trivial that nonetheless get me all worked up time and time again.

Yet, towards other things, apathy becomes an act of disobedience.

oh fat lady. how fat indeed you are.
yet how glad i am that you're fat
to remind me that I am in a combat.

Things that break my heart:

-the thought of someone who has tasted the good yet falls back, and settles for the world.
-the thought of someone who knows the truth, yet decides to believe in lies instead.
-the thought of someone trying to know God when cease striving is all he needs.
-the thought of my campus, and realizing that there are still so many who do not to know Him.
-the thought of China and the Chinese people
-the thought of non-christian friends in my classes
-the thought of North America
-the thought of ACF
-the thought of families.

-the thought of how God looks at this world...

...and how it breaks His heart....

Yet, I also thought the other day, how much the Lord loves us. This is love: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. This is love: that while we still break His heart, God sees in us--His son--and the blood that not only makes us clean, but sets us free so that we too can live a new life.

Whether it be through her short interpretation of a bible verse or one of her inspiring poems, she never ceases to amaze me!

Here is one of her brilliant poems:

Before the winds that blow do cease,
Teach me to dweel within Thy calm;
Before the pain has passed in peace,
Give me, my God, to sing a psalm.
Let me not nlose the chance to prove
The fullness of enabling love.
O Love of God, do this for me:
Maintain a constant victory.

Before I leave the desert land
For meadows of immortal flowers,
Lead me where streams at Thy command
Flow by the borders of the hours,
That when the thirsty come, I may
Show them the fountains in the way.
O Love of God, do this for me:
Maintain a constant victory.
-Amy Carmichael

I was in one of those episodes again this week. I hate it, and the worst part is that i knew exactly why i reacted the way that i did. I want this prayer to reign true during these "episodes": "O love of God, do this for me: Maintain a constant victory." However, everytime the same thing happens, and i would feel the same way.
But one thing i did learn this week--through all this commotion about the most silliest thing in the world--is that the Lord was trying to teach us both something, to reveal to us what is in our hearts. I didn't expect the he would react the way that he did, but how he resolved it--with all his maturity--totally blew my mind away. I saw, this week in someone, a glimspe of a MOG who is being obedient to the Lord. And for that, I am glad that it happened the way that it did.

How faithful is He who brings everything to pass.

Its so good to be reminded that there is still yet so much more to be done, and that the Lord desires for us to be part of it. Father, I do not want to be made ineffective for your kingdom. Teach me to continue to yearn, and in action, strive for more. Teach me to pray for others. Teach me to let go of my unbelief.

It was soo good to cry out again to the Lord last night. Kat, thanks so much. i love it when we come, having no agenda, but to come clean and boldly to the throne of GRACE. i love you so much. lets keep going and never SLOW down! i'll be praying!

After talking to karyn tonight, i realize that i NEED MORE FAITH!!!! like seriously! i want to talk about God like i'm SURE as to what He is to do--in my life, family, ACF, Western etc. I NEED TO BELIEVE!! Oh God, i do believe, help thou my unbelief. I do believe that He will one day deal with me and all those things that i feel. When that day comes, I will become more effective for Him. As Roger says, a part of us must die in order for someone else to live. Oh Lord, I amm sooo willing to die. show me show me show me!!! i believe!! yeah!!! Karyn, love you soo much!! Thank you!!!

as karyn says, "Stupid Fat ugly man (Satan), POO ON YOU!!!!"

on a less serious note,

HAHA. a friend, Ernie, decided to write me an eulogy upon request.:) I hope i die before him so he gets to read this at my funeral!

cora cheung, she loved the Lord
if only she weren't so easily bored
how her mighty Dodge van roared
bringing terror to all aboard

their screams of horror she ignored
drowned out by a million loose cords
and the constant splashing as gasoline poured
out the van that she adored

their last moments were getting short
as they struggled with the door
would things have been different in a Ford?
their fate was sealed with her first snore

a lesson learned, or maybe four
but i'll stop here, i'm being a bore
a woman of God, yet something more
cora cheung, she loved the Lord

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VAINY!!!!!!!!!!

Kat, you are simply AMAZING!!!! and vain. hahhaha. I love you soo much. I'm so glad that the Lord has put you in my life this year. I can't even begin to tell you how much you have blessed me--through your words and the life you lead. You are truly a WOG!!!! Its also soo timely that the Lord has placed you in my life this year! I love you soo much! On you birthday, I pray that you can spend it with the people you love most--namely, me. but too bad i'm not back. hahah. j/k. But really Kat, thanks for everything. and when i say everything.. i mean EVERYTHING. love you TONS!!!!! Happy Birthday again!!!

HAHA.

so i bought "March of the Penguins" from China this Christmas and not only is it in French, look at what it reads at the back of the DVD:

this is suppose to be the summary of the movie:

"The days wiving the girl was getting shorter and shorter. At the night before the emperor's official coming, the girl wanted to kill herself to against the bossy emperor. At the time the girl would stab her chest, the man named yanggang came in and stopped her. The girl was so sad and run up into the youth arms. When she touched something on the back of the youth... She was surprised and asked he wiht her beautiful eyes. The man was very excited to show her figure whcih was supported by the bamboo..."

hahahhahah.. what?

:)