I have to admit it; I don't know what to do...

It is always so hard being back home. As much as I am excited to be here, I can't help but feel a bit "off" and out of place. Perhaps being jobless plays a role in this, but lately, I been feeling confused as to why I am place here this summer. I've been dreaming about China again-yearning to go back and re-live that life of faith. I knew, last year, exactly that I was called to China, and from there, the Lord blessed me with soo much. Now, i can't help but wonder why I am here? Am I even supposed to be here? Can i even do it?
Bottom line, I think i'm just afraid. I don't know what to do exactly. I feel inadequate. How can I evangelize to these people? Would I even know what to say? I don't even really know these people? I don't want to just sit at a typical meeting, trying to think our brains out to figure out a "theme." I really don't know what to do... I don't think i'm adequately prepared for this... I don't want to do it and make it "good." I want it to be the best... How do I give back? Where do I begin?
.... All I need to know is the peace of the Lord. Because all shall be well when I know that I'm walking in the right path. No fears of inadequacy can stand in the way when the peace of the Lord is known in one's heart...
...that is what I need now!!!...

i have an exam tomorrow. and sat. i'm not ready for my tomorrow exam, and i haven't started my sat. one. ahhh.

i know how it feels to be forgotten, so before i forget, i want to say,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERICA-CA-CA!!!!

THANK YOU SOOO MUCH GUYS!!!

-my parents didn't even remember to call me, but i thank God for friends like you. To be honest, just a simple act of remembering this day means a lot to me.

to all the YouS...
thank you for remembering (even when i tried to hide it from you),
thank you for the cake at P and R,
thank you for the dairy queen cake,
thank you for the CD,
thank you for getting everyone to come out to prayer meeting, (knowing that that will brighten up my day)
thank you for the emails or msn msgs,
thank you for a night out to maggies,
thank you for the 'surprise' party,
thank you for the custom made t-shirt (pulling a cora since 1984),
thank you for the thoughtfulness...I LOVE MY NEW ROOM.
most importantly, thank you for just being there.

all in all, you've all made this special day..well. extra special, more than i could ask for.

i will post up more picture later on.

during our weekly prayer meetings today, we decided that it would be funny to randomly compose a poem about our dear brother Yun-Ping. (whose name, by the way, is also Alex).

Alex by day, Yun-Ping by night,
To the ball court he fights.
Will he take flight? O that might!
Do what is right, Yun-Ping by night.

this is what we do during our prayer meetings. see, i told you acfers; prayer meetings are nothing but fun.

i can finally breathe... well, at least for two days until i start studying for my exams.

let me tell you about my roomate, Doreen.

She is soo 'mong' (clueless) about everything.

One ordinary day, about 6 months ago, i was desperately looking for my pair for running shoes so that i could go to the gym. Realizing that i couldn't find them after 3 weeks later, i came to a conclusion that i must have left it at home or i could have just misplaced them somewhere.
However, 2 weeks ago, one very odd thing happened. i saw my pair of running shoes suddenly appearing on the lovely feet of my roomate, doreen.

i cried out a loud cry, "Doreen, you stole my shoes!"

She calmly and confidently replied, "No they're not! i stole them from my friend sharon."

"Well, they sure look like mine," said I, "even the scratch marks and the pain causing ankle part are there!"

Doreen said, "that is true; they never used to hurt my ankle. what size are your feet?"

I calmly replied, "7 or 71/2! yours?"

"Well, they couldn't possibly be your then, because my feet are 61/2."

Starting to doubt myself, I went up to check the size of MY shoes. "They are 71/2, Dor!"

"oh. they must be yours then."

"well. you better confirm"

One day later, doreen came to me with a bleeding ankle and said, "they are definitely yours! they seem to be a bit too big as well."

Anyhow, to sum this story up in a nutshell. I went up to doreen, nicely asking her to make sure that they are her friend. A week later, she came back with her friend's shoes which look nothing like mine! (yes dor, they don't look like mine). Nonetheless, she managed to mistaken them for mine. what a silly little girl. haha.

the Lord is slowly preparing me to go back; i just know it. i can't wait... the harvest is plentiful, but the labourers are few... so here I am Lord. here I am!

The biggest enemy is yourself; it only hurts when you try to hold on to it.

When satan tempts me to despair,
and tells me of the guilt within
upward i look and see Him there
who made an end to all my sin
because the sinless saviour die
my sinful soul is counted free
for God the just is satisfied
to look on Him and pardon me
to look on Him and pardon me

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

so...
in the midst of writing my essay, i have decided to....blog!

having being reminded of the freedom i have in Christ, I am full of joy right now because of who I AM in Him: a new creation that is created anew! (I just have to make it repetitive) I am amazed of How good and how great our God is. He gives us grace in our hearts to be able to praise Him and worship Him even in times of troubles or sorrows. This weekend, having experienced failure and disappointed in my life, the Lord has definitely given me grace to thank Him, to love Him, and to worship Him freely. oh, and how liberating it is. God is indeed soooooooo gooood!!!

on another note, i have been realizing how much of a spiritual battle we are in. When the Lord moves, Satan is right there moving, to pull down from receiving His blessings. but! its a good thing that satan is moving because that means that God is moving!!! SO, i encourage you all, when times of discouragement, hardships, sorrows, sickness, etc.. take a step back and see what Satan is doing in your life to pull you down. When you do, realize that all you need to do is kick satan in the head and tell him to back off, for He who is in our heart is soooo much greater than he who is in this world.

"..for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raise dup against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ..."
-2 Cor. 10: 4-5

you know why it says we are? because we have to do it, willingly and actively do it. so DO IT. and then you will realize even MORE: how great our God is and the blessings He is pouring down upon you....

these various posts were written during my first year in university. oh, how great to be reminded again and again that it is finished!!! we are indeed daughters and sons!! because we are freed of alllllll things.
"when the son shall set you free, you SHALL be free INDEED!!!"

April 15, 2003
-did you know that we are no longer slaves, but daughers and sons.....do you know that slaves do not have the same privileges as sons and daughters. sons and daughters can inherit what the Father owns. And we are sons and daughters, we are heirs, so that we may recieve the full rights of sons. The full rights of sons...we have the right to claim what the Lord has already given to us in Christ...which is everything that the Lord has and is. isn't that just so cool. We can call our Lord our Father. Our Father...yeah!-This freedom is spreading, the good news is spreading among ACFers and i know that this is what God wants...i mean, if you were there in the library today, you will know what i'm talking about....it's like 4 different groups of people talking about the same thing. and then suddenly you hear, "ohh..i think i know", or "i wanna know more..." God is so good.-i'm full of this unspeakable joy right now......and my only respond is "Praise God...Hallelujiah...!!! I love you Lord!!!"

April 19, 2003
"...We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life..." ~Romans 6:4

When Christ resurrected, we were in Him. We need not try to get in Christ, for we are already in Him. Praise God because we are a new creation!!!..i know i talk about this a lot, but i feel like i should mention it again!!...we are a new creation!!! The nature of God does things that are of God and the nature of Adam does things that are of Adam. but, we have a new creation!!! It is our new nature that do things of God..not by our effort, but because when Christ resurrected, we were there too, we were in Him!!! isn't that cool??...and that is what we must focus on. Not our past, or our "sins"...or in fear that we will sin again because of our "human nature"....i agree that in our "human nature" which is of our old self, we were inclined to sin!!!...but we are a new creation, we died to our old self!!!!....the old has pass and the new has come.....so let us reckon that we are a new creation, therefore it is our nature to do things that are of the Spirit!!!!....this is why Jesus resurrected, so that we may live as a new creation with the Spirit of God that is living in us!!! Praise the Lord!!!

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it; that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish" ~Eph. 5:25-27. Watchman Nee said that this is what God intends for His children, His church to be..."a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but...holy and without blemish." Watchman Nee said in his book exactly this:"... And yet how precious is the promise and how gracious are the words used of her (the church): "not having spot"-the scars of sin, whose very history is now forgotten; "or wrinkle"-the marks of age and of time lost, for all is now made up and all is new; and "without blemish"-so that Satan or demons or men can find no ground for blame in her." And this is us!!!!!This is why Christ died for us and rose again: so that as He is in glory, that we too may appear in glory with Him as well!!! Praise the Lord, Hallelujiah...!!! AHHHH!!!!

Happy 21st birthday Lydia!!!!!!!!

I don't know if you'll read this Lydia, but i want to wish you a happy birthday on this special day. Sorry i couldn't make it tonight; my daddy is home and I need to spend time with him. I thank the Lord for you everytime I am reminded of you. You bring joy to my heart, and on this special day; I pray that you are assure of His love for you. :)

AHHHHH...why do bad things happen to good people????

oh NHL Hockey,
Why do you have to leave me?
Why do you have to hurt me so?
Day and night i think of you;
I know your heart remains true.
Come back my love,
my companion during my most needed times.1
From stressful nights to unbearable flights,2
I shall be waiting for you, and until then,
my heart shall remain true.

1. during exam periods in the month of April when playoffs are on.
2.again, the poet's need for hockey during unbearable nights studying for exams; these are the times that hockey acts as a distraction, thus destressing the heart of the poet.


on a more serious note. my heart is lifted, oh praise the Lord.

i am currently in the library attempting to "study."

who is bored bored?
i am bored bored.

if i were to submit that to my english prof, he would have asked where i learned my grammatical skills. so, with that said; you can almost expect that i would never submit something like that, which makes the above statement useless and well, a waste of time.

here is the awaited poem i promised you dor:

doreen is weird,
she has a beard,
sometimes if you look real close
you might catch something real gross.

on a serious note, I need to rest.

I will rest in thy love,
I will feed on thy grace
I boldly come nigh to thy throne
and worship thee Lord on my face
I've sold everything to gain thee
the riches the world gave to me
To love thee is all I desire
and shelter my new heart in thee.

i know you all have been waiting for awhile now, so here is another one of my billiant accomplishments-infact not so billiant afterall. I acutally wrote this poem last Friday when I was feeling quite discouraged about things that were happening; actually, i mean things that weren't happening. In the midst of all my negative thoughts, the Lord inspired me with these words.

Let not the discouragement of the world,
mare the goodness of thy love.
Let not the stubbornness of our hearts,
mare the assurance of thy cross:
"For Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
and has shed His own blood for my soul."
Let not the darkness of this world,
mare the shinning brightness of thy light.
For when all things seem to fail,
Let the calmness of your voice prevails:
"In me is where you shall find rest,
and My presence shall never leave thee."


I get discouraged too easily. "oh stupid Cora, stop allowing your mind to be a playground for Satan! When will you ever learn?"

Wow, what a weekend! There is this unspeakable joy in me right now. I can't explain how great the Lord is. He is indeed soo faithful. I was reminded of the last retreat, things that were lifted up in prayers since then, people lifted up to the Lord, oh, and how great is He who answers prayers!!! I've have seen His wonder, His movings among people, His love pour down like an overflowing flood of water, chains being broken, people being set free, and all I can say is, I want more...

instructions taken from a "mini hand-warmer" my mom bought from HK.

Instand Hot Pack:
1. How to use:
1) break off the metal part which inside the pack serveral times. Then there is some white solid will come out & the pack becomes heater and heater. It will be better if you knead it some more times.
2.) When the pack becomes cold. Please put into the boiling water for 5-10 mins. Then it will change into liquid condition. And becomes soft. After it becomes cold. It can be used again.
3.) When you use the bag again, Please follow the above instruction.
4.) the instant hot pack can be repeat-used.
5.)Please pay attention to the high temperature when use this bag. If you get scald please call to the doctor.

2.) When to use:
1.) Snowing, hunting, climbing etc. out door use.
2.) on the way to or back from your school/office
3.) keep health keep warm when in winter.

3.) Caution:
1.) the inside material is non-toxic and non-poison, but eating is forbidden.
2.) If the pack is leaking or damanged, please stop use and throw it away.
3.) If the liquid comes to the skin. Please use a lot of water to wash it.
4.) Children must be under the supervision of the adult.

haha....

i can't believe it. its only been four days, and i am stressed out by the things i have to accomplish. I am drained. i've been spending 12 hours a day at school, attending classes and researching for a essay proposal that is due next week. My teacher wants specific things, which makes it even harder to find. I am sooo drained by all the crap i have to read. Also, i found out about the heavy load for my weekly class: 13 classes in total: 8 books to read and like 4 movies to watch, meaning a novel a week must be read by the beginning of every class. isn't that insane? alfjda;kfjkdfja;dkfja. ~translation: asdl;fkja;ldskjfa;djfak;dfj. on top of that, its a busy month for ACF planning as well. ahhhhh....

oh yeah, sonja and I will be sharing about china this friday night, so if anyone wants to hear about it *ahem* (people from toronto, queens, mcmaster...), please do come...:)

Coming back from my mission trip this summer, I knew that there would be many changes this year in my life. Awaiting for these changes to come, I know that the Lord requires all of me, the me that is willing to give up the past, leaving my comfort zone and accepting the changes coming my way. However, when these changes have finally arrived, part of me resisted, in fear of letting go. Stepping into new territory, seeing the things around me change, looking into familiar faces and simultaneously feeling alienated from them, I, the outgoing girl can't help but feel a bit afraid. Very much afraid infact. How could the things that are once familiar to you become so barbaric, different, distant... If things that were once known to me can change in split of a second, turning into strange objects that is foreign to me, I can't help but wonder, what would happen to the things and people that are so dear to me now?

Its true, and i just can't hide it.

what flavor pocky are you?

i downloaded hello picasa so that i can upload pictures to my blog, but its not working...
can someone please teach me?

karyn, me, jesse

There are those whom the Lord puts in your life,
friendships centered in Jesus Christ.
I love you, my friends, because
of your heart, your care, your love
and your constant encouragements.
It is such a privilege to be able to meet you,
who shares my Spirit, my joy, my passion, my life.

My only prayer for you is this:
Never give up in loving, never lose sight of what is happening,
but love, the way you have loved me, and give to those whom you are called to.
Be encouraged today, for He is good, and His love endures forever.
Don't let him, the enemy, blow out your flame,
Keep on going, and take heed of the truth that HAS set you free,
and love, the way you have have loved me.

ran·dom ( P ) Pronunciation Key
(rndm)adj.

• Having no specific pattern, purpose, or objective: random movements.

hmm..random? me? what do you think?