Yay! pictures! i think i'm going to start posting more pictures! This is our Sunday night meetings!!! :)

Wow! I can't believe I haven't blogged for so long! Finally, a real post!

I think it has finally dawned on me that in just a little over a month, I am going to leave this place in which I call home. I've been avoiding speaking about it, but soon it will become reality, and there is nothing I can do but to welcome it. or I could just not think about it. :)
Yes, that is what I will do. hahaha. Seriously though, reflecting upon my couple of years being in Western and my summers being in Toronto, I can't help but praise the Lord for the friendships he has blessed me with. One of the hardest things leaving behind is people whom I've grown to love. Four and a half years man! that's a long time! :) I used to be so sensitive and easily angered especially in regards to friendships, mostly because I am so insecure. Yet ever since the Lord has dealt with me this summer, I feel so free. Leaving Canada, and subsequently, all my friends still hurt in some ways, but there is joy and peace knowing that I just have to let go and let God. :)
AND...I am beginning to feel excited about the things that He will do in my life in HK and in CHINA! :) I'm sure there will be hard times, yet at the same time, i am so excited for the things He is preparing for me! :) yea! :)
Having said that, I am only here till Jan. 7. I've been trying to think of an efficient way to say goodbye to people, but I've haven't come up with a solution to my problem yet. SO! if you want to see me, email me! :)

I'm soooo stupid for not blogging these past err....yeah. It's because I forgot my password until now.

So what's been going on with me? Lots of things.. almost too much to post. But there's one thing that I've realized that I've forgotten how to be my true self on these blogs. I'm WAY too serious, and I've forgotten to tap into my amazing abilities to write songs...

So to make up for depriving you of my skills, here is a song about my two friends:

actually i have to go now, but note that doreen and lydia are the SUPERLY COOLEST PPL ALIVE.

feeling lethargic...

why? maybe because i haven't spent enough time with the Lord lately. Coming back to Toronto, i haven't stopped. Besides packing and throwing away things so that i can empty the house by the end of sept, I am either spending time with family or meeting up with friends. Maybe because i only have a limited time here in TO that i feel like i need to accomplish so much. baahhhh. My six weeks in London was soo good. Being the extrovert that i am, I thought that i wouldn't be able to handle my time alone. Surprisingly enough, my time alone with the Lord was sooo good. Coming back to TO, i yearn for that same satisfaction i found in the Lord while i was in London. Instead, my time is spent on anything but the Lord himself. The inefficent time spent with the Lord is manisfested through things that are evidently resufacing in my life; these things come in different forms that nonetheless derive from the original problem--my insecurity.

so what is it that i find it so hard to focus when i'm in Toronto? WhY? why only in London?

i've come to realize that the problem is not the location, but myself. I have no discipline at all--whether it be reading the word or simply spending my time with the Lord. I find it more interesting to read books rather than touch the bible itself and much easier to call up a friend to pray than to spend it alone with God himself. I also realize that this is something i've struggled throughout the year as well. Great meetings at P&R and exciting things in ACF were the foundation of my spiritual walk. No wonder in TO, i feel like i lack--that is, something real that is founded upon Christ Himself.

In the Normal Christian Life, the great Watchman Nee talks about the need for Christians to satisfy the Lord first before anything else. If we are to waste our time on anything, it must be on our Lord Jesus Himself. Like Mary, who wasted her precious perfume upon the feet of the Lord, cared about nothing but Jesus Himself. There is something significant about her love for Jesus. First, she loves the Lord enough to break the most precious thing in her life and "waste" it upon him. Nothing is held back, she pours it all, and the house is filled with the smell of her fragrance. Second, her love for the Lord is beyond "serving" others. Often, our ministries and services for the Lord replace the need for us to spend time with Him. Jesus says, " for you always have the poor with you, but you do not have Me." Mary understoord that--not that giving money to the poor or doing missions aren't important, but she realizes that she must FIRST satisfy the Lord!!! I need to break my own perfume jar: one that is full of "righteous" hopes and dreams for the Lord.

Finally, Jesus says: "wherever the gospel is preached in the whole world, what this woman has done will also be spoken of in memory of her." So before I dream about my future in China or serving others here in TO and London, i need to first learn to satisfy the Lord Himself; for it is only then that i'll be filled, and in turn, be a fragrance to others. That is the secret to a "normal Christian life." I still have so much to learn...

I hate it!

To clear out the confusion relating to my last post, I am embarking on a 40 days journey in breaking some of the strongholds in my life. The Lord has been showing me some of the things that are just pure lies that nonethess i have believed to be truth in my life. I must say that it has been good thus far. :)

Until tonight... I hate it that everytime someone makes a comment as such, I begin to get really reallly mad. For one thing, it reminds me of the critical comments my parents and my extended families would make everytime they see me. I hate it that I would have to defend myself. I hate it that i get angry because sometimes i fall and believe it to be partly true, and then i would get even more frustrated because i've believed in a lie. Better yet, i express my anger through things that i should not say or do.
I hate it that i must look to men for approval. i hate it. i hate it. you suck satan!

so tonight i came home. finding it hard to put my thoughts in writing, i begin to believe in the another lie...

okay cora. smarten up. For it is written: "You can do everything through Him who gives you strength."
For it is written: "You are fearfully and wonderfully made."

...resist the devil and he must FLEE from you...

edit today: July 19th From Carmichael
Let go displeasure
Sometimes something happens which recalls great pain. You are not able to find pleasure in that thing. You are oppressed by it and saddened. Suddenly the word comes, " Let go displeasure."
Displeasure is not always wrath; it is not unkindness, or the fretting which the psalm says so truly "tendeth only to evil-doing." It is just something that is not pleasure but pain, and so can depress the heart.
Let it go. Do not hold on to it. Let it slip out of mind. Turn to something that does give pleasure and fasten your thoughts on that. "Hold thee stil in the Lord, and abide patiently upon Him." "Commit thy way" (and the way of those thou lovest) unto Him, and thou shalt "be refreshed in the multitute of peace."
Prove this world if ever you are tempted in this way. You will find that by an act of will, by His grace, you can "let go displeasure" and be most tenderly released and refreshed.

LIES vs truth. so much lies.

vulnerable (adj) - susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.

i need to be less vulnerable. must learn to be less attached. must learn to let go...

on another note, GDOP was good. i wish there were more prayer though. Some of the prayers were really power. As we gathered as the people of God-- from different tongues and tribes, from generation to generation-- I cannot help but worship my God. As we sang, "how Great is our God", my heart burst with joy to hear the loud multitude singing one song. We were singing a new song. :) We prayed for our government, our health care system, our educational system, our land, our city. Indeed, "O Canada, we stand on guard for thee..."

i'm so confused....

....back to square one.

Adjusting back to TO...

....so far i'm not liking it at all. (except mommy's home cook food)

It's awkward to be home alone. Having nothing to do, I wish i have my course materials so that i could start studying. It has officially been a day since i've been back, and it has been quite awkward. Not adjusting to things well at all. Darn it! it's like that every year. I'm bored; I wish i could..

just walk to my neighbours and watch a movie.
randomly call up someone for prayer.
randomly go to someone's house for worship.
randomly walk into someone's house and ask them to slap me so that i won't be so stupid.

The fact of the matter is that I was really looking forward to tonight. After not hanging out with certain people for a long time, I was hoping that tonight we could just chill and worship the Lord together. However, I ended up waiting all night for a phone call that resulted in my disappointment. I was stood up. I didn't fit into people's schedules tonight. darn it! it's like last summer all over again. It's our last month together, and I hate to see it end like this. Reality is, with a blink of an eye, people will be off to different places, and that yearning for fellowship will soon be the only thing that sustains. that's right, we will only be left with the yearning for it. It's sooner than you think. "whatever! be indifferent cora!" this is the only statement that is reigning in my head right now....

I love you crazy people! yeah amazing drime. if you want to see it, go to www.jessewong.blogspot.com.

on a more serious note...

fat lady has been so fat lately that its been hard to study, sleep and breathe. I came to the point last night where I had to say, "take this cup from me o Lord..."

...especially today. I cried out to the Lord: "Father, its so heavy. Sometimes I can't even worship you until I fall on my knees. Lord i just want to have peace, and worship you." During my studies, I couldn't concentrate because my heart felt so burdened. So coming home tonight, I came to point where I was literally tired: physically and spiritually.

...Then the Lord spoke. (i must thank ernie for coming over tonight..)
Neh. 8:11: Hush! for the day is holy

"Long ago Samuel Rutherford, writing to one in distress, said 'Command your thoughts to be silent.' Can we say 'Hush!' to ourselves? Can we command our thoughts? I believe we can. God has given us the power to close the shutter of our minds upon hurtful, weakening thoughts. He has provided all manner of shutters. A book that swings us off ourselves and into another world is a very good shutter; a song set to music; beauty; the dear love of those who love us. Above all, there is this: Look at Calvary. Look steadfastly. Take time too look, and all within you will be hushed, for power streams forth from Calvery. We need never know defeat."

"We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.." (2 Cor 10: 5)

...so back to the plead: "take this cup from me o Lord..."
......"yet, if its your will that I must bear it, then let it be."
....and it is His will. so praise be to God forever and ever. Amen!

indifferent (adj)-- having no particular interest or sympathy; unconcerned.

I still need to learn to remain indifferent towards certain things. Things that seem so trivial that nonetheless get me all worked up time and time again.

Yet, towards other things, apathy becomes an act of disobedience.

oh fat lady. how fat indeed you are.
yet how glad i am that you're fat
to remind me that I am in a combat.

Things that break my heart:

-the thought of someone who has tasted the good yet falls back, and settles for the world.
-the thought of someone who knows the truth, yet decides to believe in lies instead.
-the thought of someone trying to know God when cease striving is all he needs.
-the thought of my campus, and realizing that there are still so many who do not to know Him.
-the thought of China and the Chinese people
-the thought of non-christian friends in my classes
-the thought of North America
-the thought of ACF
-the thought of families.

-the thought of how God looks at this world...

...and how it breaks His heart....

Yet, I also thought the other day, how much the Lord loves us. This is love: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. This is love: that while we still break His heart, God sees in us--His son--and the blood that not only makes us clean, but sets us free so that we too can live a new life.

Whether it be through her short interpretation of a bible verse or one of her inspiring poems, she never ceases to amaze me!

Here is one of her brilliant poems:

Before the winds that blow do cease,
Teach me to dweel within Thy calm;
Before the pain has passed in peace,
Give me, my God, to sing a psalm.
Let me not nlose the chance to prove
The fullness of enabling love.
O Love of God, do this for me:
Maintain a constant victory.

Before I leave the desert land
For meadows of immortal flowers,
Lead me where streams at Thy command
Flow by the borders of the hours,
That when the thirsty come, I may
Show them the fountains in the way.
O Love of God, do this for me:
Maintain a constant victory.
-Amy Carmichael

I was in one of those episodes again this week. I hate it, and the worst part is that i knew exactly why i reacted the way that i did. I want this prayer to reign true during these "episodes": "O love of God, do this for me: Maintain a constant victory." However, everytime the same thing happens, and i would feel the same way.
But one thing i did learn this week--through all this commotion about the most silliest thing in the world--is that the Lord was trying to teach us both something, to reveal to us what is in our hearts. I didn't expect the he would react the way that he did, but how he resolved it--with all his maturity--totally blew my mind away. I saw, this week in someone, a glimspe of a MOG who is being obedient to the Lord. And for that, I am glad that it happened the way that it did.

How faithful is He who brings everything to pass.

Its so good to be reminded that there is still yet so much more to be done, and that the Lord desires for us to be part of it. Father, I do not want to be made ineffective for your kingdom. Teach me to continue to yearn, and in action, strive for more. Teach me to pray for others. Teach me to let go of my unbelief.

It was soo good to cry out again to the Lord last night. Kat, thanks so much. i love it when we come, having no agenda, but to come clean and boldly to the throne of GRACE. i love you so much. lets keep going and never SLOW down! i'll be praying!

After talking to karyn tonight, i realize that i NEED MORE FAITH!!!! like seriously! i want to talk about God like i'm SURE as to what He is to do--in my life, family, ACF, Western etc. I NEED TO BELIEVE!! Oh God, i do believe, help thou my unbelief. I do believe that He will one day deal with me and all those things that i feel. When that day comes, I will become more effective for Him. As Roger says, a part of us must die in order for someone else to live. Oh Lord, I amm sooo willing to die. show me show me show me!!! i believe!! yeah!!! Karyn, love you soo much!! Thank you!!!

as karyn says, "Stupid Fat ugly man (Satan), POO ON YOU!!!!"

on a less serious note,

HAHA. a friend, Ernie, decided to write me an eulogy upon request.:) I hope i die before him so he gets to read this at my funeral!

cora cheung, she loved the Lord
if only she weren't so easily bored
how her mighty Dodge van roared
bringing terror to all aboard

their screams of horror she ignored
drowned out by a million loose cords
and the constant splashing as gasoline poured
out the van that she adored

their last moments were getting short
as they struggled with the door
would things have been different in a Ford?
their fate was sealed with her first snore

a lesson learned, or maybe four
but i'll stop here, i'm being a bore
a woman of God, yet something more
cora cheung, she loved the Lord

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VAINY!!!!!!!!!!

Kat, you are simply AMAZING!!!! and vain. hahhaha. I love you soo much. I'm so glad that the Lord has put you in my life this year. I can't even begin to tell you how much you have blessed me--through your words and the life you lead. You are truly a WOG!!!! Its also soo timely that the Lord has placed you in my life this year! I love you soo much! On you birthday, I pray that you can spend it with the people you love most--namely, me. but too bad i'm not back. hahah. j/k. But really Kat, thanks for everything. and when i say everything.. i mean EVERYTHING. love you TONS!!!!! Happy Birthday again!!!

HAHA.

so i bought "March of the Penguins" from China this Christmas and not only is it in French, look at what it reads at the back of the DVD:

this is suppose to be the summary of the movie:

"The days wiving the girl was getting shorter and shorter. At the night before the emperor's official coming, the girl wanted to kill herself to against the bossy emperor. At the time the girl would stab her chest, the man named yanggang came in and stopped her. The girl was so sad and run up into the youth arms. When she touched something on the back of the youth... She was surprised and asked he wiht her beautiful eyes. The man was very excited to show her figure whcih was supported by the bamboo..."

hahahhahah.. what?

:)

Christmas Eve in Hong Kong...

...a disaster.

tonight, i had to push my way out of a crowd of excited people. When i gaze upon their faces, seeing all the anticipation, i cannot help but wonder: what are they excited about? Why are people pushing and shoving? Where is the joy of Christmas? what is the true meaning?

Amy Carmichael.
"In this season of much singing I ask those who love our Lord Jesus to ask very specially for singing hearts. It would be sad if the lovely Christmas hymns and carols sounded only like a noise-- even a noise of music-- to Him. But if they are the glad and wondering adoration of our hearts, then i think they wil give HIm joy. Do not forget what Chrsitmas cost Him-- Gethsemane and Calvary."

currently in...

.......................HK!!

weather is sooo nice here. I was in Beijing a couple of days ago and it was quite cold there. Not as cold as T.dot, but cold enough to stay indoors with a cup of hot chocolate, and enjoying a nice and relaxing time in the hotel. Though i did neither of that, i managed to enjoy myself in this cold weather..;)

thought of the day:

to truly love someone is really an act of obedience unto God.

am i being obedient?


Merry Christmas to you all!

i desperately need a break...

.................from all of this.

essays.
exams.
london.
friends.

....HK here i come.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIMOTHY WOOOO!!!!!! you're finally as old as me.:)

i hope you know that you're special, well because you are!!! :) thank you so much for such being you-- well, sometimes the real you can get a bit crazy!!! :) but thats why you're sooo coooll!!! thank you for the time and effort you've put into pneumatos this past years, and thanks for your continually obedience to the Lord-- for it has blessed me soooooo much!!! you're heart and passion for Him is soo evident!! so continue on!!! on your birthday, i hope you'll have a good one. Know and Reckon that you you are special to the Lord and to those whom He has put around you-- like ME. and many others who can attest to that!! :)

How Great is Our God.

Our God is B.I.G!!! Passion toronto was AWESOME-- not so much because of the passion team or the event itself (even though the team was great), but because God was there that night to meet with His people. I will never forget 4500+ believers from different ethnicity crying out to One God: "Father, we will NOT lift up our souls to another. O God let us be a generation that seeks!!!" Louie Giglio spoke about the prayers that were lifted up in Ricoh Coliseum during toronto's 100 yrs anniversary. Politicans and authorities at the time prayed Is. 62 to God, asking Him to bless this city: Toronto will be called ' Sought out, a city not forsaken."

And indeed, the Lord did not forsake this city. Even with all the things that we've allowed-- being so 'liberal' as to accept all that the Lord hates!!! yet, tuesday night was an answer to the prayers that were lifted up to God. The Lord did not forsake us: "this is the generation of those who seek Him" (Psalm 24). We shall run and grow weary. We shall walk and not be faint. For we are a generation who knows that our Lord is strong and mighty. He is mighty in battle.

Giglio said that Our God is big. so why aren't we asking for more when we pray for our campuses. why aren't we dreaming for bigger things?

Last night after fellowship, i felt such a huge burden. I heard again: "More people will you gather. Those who have ears will hear. Those who do not, they will be left behind.. it is time."

Soon later, Carrie, sonja, and I went to UCC to lift up our campus once again to the Lord. I felt such a burden upon my heart. The three of us talked of how we need to unite people and that we cannot stagger. The time is NOW. we cannot dely by moving slowly and hence missing what the Spirit is doing. This is what the Lord showed us:

"The harvest is plentiful, but the labourers are few; therefore beseech the Lord of the harvest to send out labourers into His harvest." (Luke 10:2)

BESEECH the Lord to send out more people. For "Do not say, 'there are yet four months, and then comes the harvest'? Behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes and look on the fields, that they are white for harvest" (John 4:35). Sonja reminded us that indeed we only have four months left of school, we need to stop wasting our time and not delay the work of the Lord. if we ignore Him enough times, we will be left behind.

So whoever is reading this-- the time is NOW. the Lord is moving and we need to jump into the river and say: "God, i want to be where you are." Stop wasting any more time and GO. May His name and Renown truly be the desires of our souls-- that, whatever it takes we will make His name known.